Older wives, happier lives? Iraq’s quiet social change
Shafaq News
In a quiet alley of Baghdad, Ahmad, 30, and his wife Abir, 44, are writing a story many hesitate to tell. The years between them have not been a barrier but a space that brought calm, patience, and understanding.
“Age never meant anything to me,” Ahmad, a bank employee, told Shafaq News. “What I found in her was worth more than every calculation.” Abir, smiling gently, remembered the surprise of friends and relatives. “At first, there were objections, but we chose to walk this road together with trust.”
Their marriage reflects a change once rare in Iraq. With two-thirds of the population under 30 and unemployment leaving many uncertain about the future, more young men are now choosing older partners.
Mustafa, 23, is one of them. His decision to marry a widow twenty years older shocked his family. Relatives refused to bless it and some cut ties, yet he stood firm. “I had been through many disappointments with younger women,” he told Shafaq News. “In her, I found patience, independence, and strength.”
Shifting Norms
Sociologist Hamid al-Rumahi explained that changing values and wider media exposure have made Iraqis more open to relationships built on harmony rather than inherited custom. “The balance of love and understanding is stronger than any number on paper,” he told our agency.
A British study supports this view, finding that women married to younger men often show higher emotional intelligence and resilience, qualities that can make such partnerships unexpectedly steady. History, too, offers examples of men who built lasting bonds with older wives.
Not all unions begin with affection alone, however, according to sociologist Riya Qahtan, financial security can be decisive. “Employed or wealthy women often attract younger men who want stability." In Iraq, where nearly one in four women marry before 18 and about 40 percent of marriages are between relatives, reversing the age gap “reflects both personal choice and the weight of economic struggle.”
Psychologist Qasim Hussein Saleh recalled the story of a student who ended his romance with a message that read: Forgive me, I am unemployed. Soon after, he married a widow with means. Saleh argued that widespread joblessness is pushing young men toward such marriages. “When the woman controls the finances, men can feel powerless,” he explained, pointing to cases of alienation, depression, and even destructive escapes.
A Quiet Rebellion
Despite these risks, many couples insist their marriages are built on more than survival. Ahmad and Abir see theirs as proof that respect can outweigh convention. Mustafa holds fast to his choice despite rejection from his family.
In a country where tradition is strong and economic pressure heavy, these marriages form a quiet rebellion. Some are born of love, others of necessity, but all challenge the old arithmetic of age and open the door to new equations of companionship.
Written and edited by Shafaq News staff.
